Awareness: The Key to Transforming Suffering
For years, I struggled with overthinking, a challenge that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Whether it stems from a difficult childhood or something else, this issue has not been easy to navigate. My mind often convinces me that my thoughts are reality, leading to spirals of anxiety. However, I have begun to cultivate awareness of my body and its sensations. In this article, I will share my journey toward mindfulness and the practices that help me stay grounded.
The Journey of Self-Discovery
Overthinking and Internal Dialogue
My relentless pursuit of self-improvement has led me to pay closer attention to my internal self-dialogue. I’ve realized that much of it has been critical and automatic, as if I have a persistent internal narrator whose default mode is judgment rather than compassion. Thoughts like “I should be doing better by now” and “Why do I keep messing up?” used to go unnoticed, but now I recognize the emotional and physiological tension they create.
Embracing Self-Compassion
I’ve come to understand that self-compassion is essential (Seaward, 2020). It doesn’t equate to self-pity or laziness; rather, it involves treating myself with the same warmth I would offer a close friend. This realization has opened the door to a new kind of self-dialogue—one rooted in kindness, patience, and understanding.
Watering the Seeds of Our Suffering
Reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s reflection on “watering the seeds of our suffering” encourages mindfulness, awareness, and compassion as tools for transforming suffering into understanding and joy. By consciously choosing which seeds to nurture, individuals can cultivate a more peaceful and fulfilling life (Hanh, 2012). This helped me realize that every time I entertain negative self-talk, I’m actively nurturing thoughts that make me feel unworthy and tense. I often stare at my plants in awe, knowing that they came from a tiny seed that flourished into this beautiful plant.
So, what if I started watering something else? What if, instead of fixating on past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, I honored my efforts, acknowledged my relentlessness, and allowed myself to be human? That question alone has begun to shift my perspective. I now try to interrupt the inner critic and replace it with positive affirmations, such as “You’re doing your best” or “You’re enough.” It’s a small but powerful shift.
Letting Go of Resentment
Understanding Resentment
This has been a challenging part for me. I never considered myself someone who holds onto resentment. Still, after reflection, I have come to realize that my stress and frustration with others often stem from unspoken expectations or unresolved emotional wounds. Those expectations I have had of others have ultimately taken away my energy and time, as I have only damaged myself in the process.
If you have ever experienced anything like this, I encourage you to consider that this person’s actions might stem from their own suffering. This reframing softens my reaction. I’ve started imagining what it would be like to walk in their shoes—and while this doesn’t excuse the behavior, it allows me to respond with more awareness and less judgment. I have also noticed that sometimes, their behavior mimics something I don’t like about myself, which in turn helps me approach the situation with more empathy. Practicing loving-kindness meditation, even briefly, has helped me release some of the tightness in my chest that resentment used to bring.
The Power of Meditation
My Meditation Journey
When I first started meditation years ago, I used to think that it was the dumbest thing I was doing. I could never focus or sit still for 10 minutes. Even if I did sit for these 10 minutes, my thoughts would still wander off. Regardless, I continued trying every single day. Years later, I still have wondering thoughts, but I have learned to bring my attention back to the breath or my body. These techniques that I have learned from meditation have gone unnoticed for years. But it wasn’t until recently that I noticed that I could easily change my focus to something else. Simply by shifting my focus to the present, I am helping myself overcome my anxious thoughts.
None of what I just mentioned was an overnight process. It has taken me years of relentless pursuit of my goals, which have helped me reach this point. These techniques have encouraged me to be more present in the moment and have a broader, more balanced understanding of my challenges. By consistently analyzing your thought patterns, you’ll gain deeper insights into your cognitive tendencies and develop greater control over your emotional responses.
Key Principles of Meditation
Consistency and Commitment: Regular practice is essential. Your experience highlights that persistence in meditation, even when it feels challenging, leads to gradual improvement and more profound understanding (Mindful, n.d.).
Focus on the Breath: Returning attention to the breath is a fundamental technique for cultivating mindfulness. This practice helps anchor the mind and serves as a tool to redirect wandering thoughts back to the present moment.
Present Moment Awareness: Shifting focus to the present moment is crucial for overcoming anxiety (Mindful, n.d.). This principle emphasizes the importance of being aware of your current experience rather than getting lost in past regrets or future worries.
Acceptance of Wandering Thoughts: Recognizing that thoughts will wander is part of the process. Instead of getting frustrated, accepting this as usual allows for a more compassionate approach to meditation.
Self-Analysis and Insight: Consistently analyzing thought patterns during meditation can lead to greater self-awareness. This principle encourages understanding cognitive tendencies and emotional responses, fostering personal growth.
Patience and Progress: Acknowledging that meditation is a journey that takes time is vital. Your experience illustrates that meaningful change and understanding develop gradually, not overnight.
Emotional Regulation: Developing greater control over emotional responses through meditation can enhance overall well-being. This principle highlights the connection between mindfulness and emotional health.
A Broader Perspective on Challenges: Meditation can offer a more balanced understanding of personal challenges. This principle encourages viewing difficulties with a sense of clarity and calmness rather than being overwhelmed.
The Benefits of Awareness and Mindfulness
As we become more aware of our negative self-thought, we begin to realize that it is okay to feel this way and that “this too shall pass.” We begin to be kinder to ourselves and our loved ones. We begin to understand that sometimes shit happens, and it’s okay. Once we start to be kinder to ourselves, we begin to relax and become more in tune with our bodies. I know what you are saying right now: what kind of crap is this? And you would be correct because that’s exactly how I felt when I first started. Now, I am embracing life a bit more each day and learning that life can sometimes be a painful journey, but at the same time, it can also be a beautiful one. Learn to embrace the suck because once you get to the other side of that, you will be stronger than ever. The more you do it, the more it fuels you. You will gain the power to reconstruct your mental patterns, leading to significant improvements in your overall mental well-being.
Conclusion
Ultimately, we often underestimate the extent to which we can influence our thoughts. Writing this article was both humbling and liberating. It’s not easy to confront how harsh I’ve been on myself or to recognize how those internal messages have shaped my relationships with others. However, acknowledging these patterns is powerful because it gives me a choice.
The way we treat ourselves sets the tone for every interaction in our lives. When we choose compassion internally, that compassion ripples outward. I’m learning to pause more often, soften my internal voice, and replace automatic criticism with intention and care. While the practice of self-compassion may not be perfect, it is now part of my awareness—and that alone is a significant step toward healing.
My dad always taught me that no matter what happens in life, we must always get back up. While situations can often be scary, what's truly terrifying is a life lived in anxiety. I have learned to tell myself that fear exists only in my mind and that I have the power to overcome it. We just need to take things one step at a time. So, whatever it is that you are afraid of, remind yourself that you can face it. There’s no need to count down because doing so only keeps you focused on the problem. Instead, take a deep breath and jump right in. This helps you realize that you are in control and capable of overcoming your fears. Being courageous isn’t about being fearless; it’s about having the strength to face challenges head-on, even when you feel scared. You must believe in yourself, just as others believe in you.
References
Seaward, B. L. (2020-12-08). Managing Stress: Skills for Self-Care, Personal Resiliency and Work-Life Balance in a Rapidly Changing World, 10th Edition. [VitalSource Bookshelf 10.5.3]. Retrieved from vbk://9781284229875
Burkeman, O. (2012). The antidote: Happiness for people who can’t stand positive thinking. Portfolio.
Mindful. (n.d.). What are the 8 “rules” of meditation? Retrieved from Mindful.org
Hanh, T. N. (2012). The heart of the Buddha's teaching: Transforming suffering into peace, joy, and liberation. Harmony Books.